Hallelujah 2019 is Over!

Recapping it would honestly be – setting fire to all of the rain, locking it in a vault, and walking away carefree. 
The Holy Spirit has had its way with me this year. Trying to learn how to rest in turmoil is one of the hardest things I have had to learn and I know I still have a ways to go. It’s hard to spiritually lay in bed and trust God to fix the things attacking the lives of your loved ones while feeling helpless. 
When God tells you to stop everything, to just rest, trust, and stay in His love – it’s all I could do not to go crazy. Most of 2019 I felt insane. 
My flesh and my mind wanted to do EVERYTHING but rest. 
My prayers rolled over into my sleep and I have awoken to repent more times than I could count. 
God has held nothing back in showing me the depths of my heart. 
I didn’t know this level of vulnerability existed and the rawness of who I am has left me without words. 
Looking back, even though I felt like I was dying – and that’s how I felt! It literally felt as if my flesh was trying to rip me apart at the seams. 
Becoming like Christ in this season has left me completely relying on the Father. 
I honestly don’t think I could have handled anything else with what He has been revealing in me. 
But even though 2019 was brutal, I was gracefully broken and mended at every turn. I returned to the Father again and again and again because trying to function without Him was impossible. My breath was steadied and my eyes were gently kissed with rest. And all the while God was working beauty and wholeness in my stillness.

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30