I Rest, Knowing I Am Found.

Just a day sitting on my back porch, resting. 

Resting was a foreign word to my soul before. I put it in the same category as punishment. I didn’t understand the meaning of the word nor did I understand how to live while “resting.” I thought it meant I was being punished for my actions and therefore I wasn’t good enough to be used. It has taken me almost six years to relearn the word “rest.” When I would make strides forward, I’d fall back into familiarity and become restlessonce more. My roots ran deep in restlessness. My heart yearned for the more of God right now. My soul yearned for the display of God right now. My mind was a rocket ship speeding towards the sun, at a race against time. It left me impatient – busy trying to figure out the answers that were right in front of me the whole time – rest. 

The Word says that God takes us in the wilderness so that He can deal tenderly with us. That verse brings a smile to my face. How tenderly has He dealt with me. In my lack of understanding and my aggravation towards myself struggling – how tenderly has He dealt with me. There were a few times, I thought I had it – I had found the treasure in the horizon. Only to realize my roots went even deeper. In my wilderness, alone, with Him I’ve discovered depths of Him I didn’t know existed. I realized there was so much of Him I didn’t know. It may have taken a stern command to have me actually sit down but when I allowed Him to sit me down, peace finally came. After years of trying to get it, trying to create it, it just came. It came by finally resting and giving Him everything. I honestly felt like I had nothing left to give but it was my will He wanted. I was a busy little bee trying to create a foundation in the wilderness when all He wanted was for me to be still and rest in Him. Don’t get me wrong, I would rest for a time but I’d always get up ready to go because I thought I had rested long enough. But the reality is that we never stop resting in Him. I can’t explain this peace I’ve found. It’s simply His name. Jesus is my rest. Jesus is my peace. Loss has been great within my life especially here recently but my peace is my rest. I rest assured in the One who knows no bounds. He alone holds the keys to life and death so I rest, knowing I am found.