Thoughts Racing as Fast as They are Erasing.

It is wild to think how life can come with so many distractions. The world already is so loud, and I find it to appalling how I so easily fill my time with even more noise. I read an article about how the generations under my age group will eventually not know how to rest in stillness, in so many words. It caused me to realize how I have filled my times of stillness with noise just the same. I have realized how my mind has slowly been shifted into believing that resting is the enemy. How stillness and quiet are forms of punishment, lack, and laziness. Our eyes seem to fall on those who are in the stillness and without a second thought, their actions are on the bench, ready to be accused. For myself, I have someone who constantly calls me to approach the bench. The voice is loud, demanding, and the evidence is undeniable. My own thoughts are demanding my blood and screaming for my life. What else is there to say! What more could I do! Yes, I have been trying to rest, yet my days are filled with noise that I alone created. My own thoughts are the war I am raging. My emotions are so deep and vast that I can’t grasp a single thought. Accepting the numb and falling into depression. It seems easier. The surrender inevitable. Thoughts are racing as fast as they are erasing. I scream out stop and try to take hold of my mind, but efforts are lost as pain flows like fine wine. Who could challenge me here when my worst enemy is looking back, my own reflection. My own consciousness staring me in the eyes calling me crazy and a loser for trying. It recalls all the times I’ve failed and backtracked to where I was before. Loneliness comes like a trap door. Falling, drowning, suffocating I know them all. Noise trapped within my cell, collided with my thoughts – sure feels like hell.