Unraveled. Simply, painfully, beautifully, unraveled.

I asked for heaven to invade. I asked for the purging. I asked for the refining. I asked God to mold me into the image of his Son. I pleaded with Him to remove the roots filling me with poison, leading me unto my death. There wasn’t anything I desired more. I wanted nothing other than Him. I longed for it to become Him and me. In the midst of pain, my soul said yes. When the arrows kept coming, piercing my heart, hitting it dead center, I said yes. When disappointment surrounded me and stared back at me daring me to rise again, I still said yes. When the anguish seemed like too much to bear and desperation became my only reason for being, I said yes. Although all the hope seemed lost and the battle at an end, I said yes. When I could only utter His name through lips quivering, I still said yes. When I was frozen in pain past the point of living, I said yes. With all certainty, my soul said yes. My yes broke through the barriers of what I could feel. My yes broke down the walls of what I could see and created a light in the midst of great darkness. My yes captivated my heart in waves. The waves meant to overtake me and drown me in its depths only carried me into my Father’s embrace. My plea was answered, my heart completely undone, unraveled. Such a request was met with bold courage. No one could have warned me. No one could have prepared me. This unraveling required just me. It required my mind and my focus. I do not have to look back to know I am no longer the same. I can see it. I feel it with each deep breath. I am no longer the same. I am no longer sojourning with the same goal. Passion has fueled my heart. It ignites my yes and keeps me steady. My mind is at war and my flesh screaming in discomfort but nothing more beautiful, nothing more satisfying has ever encountered me like this. He moved heaven and earth to dwell with me and I am His. The pressure seems staggering but then gentle waves of mercy cause me to rest. I am unraveling at the seams, discovering the depths of God that lie underneath. My soul sings yes. An obedient yes. Nothing is like it seems and I linger in the depths singing, yes.